Although not currently list in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), Quiet Borderline Personality Disorderis recognized as a subcategory of Borderline Personality Disorder. Quiet BPD is an internalized disorder, while BPD is an externalized disorder.
So what is the difference? Someone with Quiet BPD will “implode” rather than someone with BPD, who will “explode”. Someone with Quiet BPD feels all the same emotions that a person with BPD would, but they internalize the emotions and feelings, masking it as best they can, and take the hurt out on themselves rather than lashing out as other like someone with BPD would. A person with Quiet BPD can, on a surface level, appear calm, successful, and or even happy. However, below surface level they can be plagued with deep fears of abandonment, toxic shame, and sever anxiety of conflicts.
For the reason that someone with Quiet BPD masks these symptoms so well, mental health professionals can often misdiagnose, or completely over-look, this disorder.
What are some signs and symptoms of Quiet BPD?
Calm demeanor on the outside even when suffering from extreme pain on the inside.
Extreme mood swings that seem to come from nowhere.
Hiding anger, sometimes to the point you don’t know it when you are angry.
Tendency to blame yourself for things even when they are not your fault.
When relationships end or conflicts arise, you immediately assume you did something wrong.
Outward image that appears ‘normal’, calm and successful.
Feeling like there is something defective about you.
Mentally retreating and can become dissociated when stressed.
Continuous feelings of being empty or numb.
When someone upsets you, instead of seeking clarification or confronting them, you immediately withdraw and may end the relationship without speaking to the person.
You feel that you are a burden on others.
It is believed that people who develop Quiet BPD do it in the response to their early caregivers teaching them that seeking connection from the outside was pointless, or could even be dangerous in some cases.
Over-explaining can be a trauma response to being gaslit in childhood. When I figured that out, I worked to stop doing so. If I already told the truth and was clear, there is nothing else to say and over-explaining leads to distortion. Off of that nonsense.
